Instructions

This is a photo of the pictograph instructions on a restroom hand dryer.

Instructions

I thought of a couple of interpretations, which ones make the most sense to you?


a)
1) rub hands together under warm air until dry.
2) angle vent to dry face

b)
1) rub hands together under warm air until dry.
2) insert hand into vent and pull down to bake your head

c)
1) rub hands together under warm air until dry.
2) insert hand directly into fan blades to cover face with blood

Mullet fever

Call it what you will, Hockey Hair, The El Camino, Superman's Cape, or the Nashville Bi-level, at the end of the day, a Mullet is what you've got. Business on top, party in the back.

Mullet fever

I spotted these the other day at a local diner. You can be sure I'll return for seconds!

I'll admit I had one in varying degrees from 1983 until about 1996, possibly longer. At the time I thought I was pretty cool. Now, I look at these and want to go back in time with a pair of scissors and a warning. Oh younger Brian, I have so much to teach you.

Did anyone else see the short-lived TV show?

SPAM-A-RIFFIC

You get SPAM. I get SPAM. We all do - and hopefully you have your spam filter set to accept email from me. This week I'm delighting in the top ten recent wacky subject lines from my filter.

1. load bearing light bulb
2. linguistic cheese wheel
3. they always catch the second one
4. mysticism commando
5. clinician unassuming
6. transfusable congressional
   
7. kneecap bicentennial
8. gloom liqueur
9. country music
10. what do you mean your system has exceptionally durable rubber feet?

What are some of your favorites?

Censorship Can Be Fun

Oh Noooooo!
Oh yes, censorship can be fun!

In the olden days of Saturday Night Live, there was a little man made of Play-dough. His name was Mr. Bill. Every Saturday night, Mr. Bill, Mr. Bill's dog Spot, and the always helpful Mr. Hands would share an adventure. Usually Mr. Sluggo would join in and despite Mr. Bill's protests that Mr. Sluggo was not his friend and that Mr. Sluggo would be mean to him, Mr. Hands would carry on like a vengeful god exacting retribution for some unknown offense.

Invariably, Mr. Bill would meet some horrible fate along with his trademark cry, in a high falsetto, "Oh NOOOOOOooooooo!"

The plucky little puppet would return again next week for another episode of what could be termed, "Disasterpiece Theater". At the time, some felt that the weekly demise of Mr. Bill was too violent, even for the not-ready-for-primetime-players, and a bit of a fuss was made. For those of you not old enough to remember, it was quickly dismissed.

However time passes, and old wounds do not always heal. I give you the parental control versions of Mr. Bill. It encapsulates all the episodes of Mr. Bill - edited for the children of parents who are afraid of what their children might do if they were subjected to images of violence upon clay figures. All the violent acts have been replaced with images of happy, cheerful, warm, fuzzy things.

G rated Mr. Bill
Please note that this is about a 47 minute video, so it can take quite a while to view. I do not recommend watching it all in one sitting.

Fun with Search Engine Optimization

From time to time I teach classes on "search engine optimization". I know what you're thinking, "could Brian get any dorkier?" The answer to that question is of course, "YES! - oh sweet fancy Moses, Yes!" If you've ever taken one of my classes, you know that "click here" is a serious no-no. You've learned some fun tricks, do's and don'ts and hopefully you were entertained.

Search Engine Optimization is the process by which you use all the right code, words, and ads on your web page to bring your page to the top of the search page when someone searches for particular words.

Sometimes things don't work out the way you want to, but I have a feeling the fine folks at albinoblacksheep.com meant these results to come out just the way they did.

You can try this yourself.
1) Go to Google.
2) type "french military victories" in the search window
3) click the "I'm feeling lucky" button (brings you to the first search result)
4) giggle

Or - just 'click here'

Thanks Brian

Screaming Navel Fluff

This week: Screaming Navel Fluff

The Wilhelm Scream - thanks Steve.
It's incredible, you hear the scream in movies and on TV, but it's absolutely amazing how often that old sound effect gets used. It's everywhere!

The world's largest collection of navel fluff. Seriously, this guy collected his navel lint... for years.